When you feel like giving up theres always time for a face pain

It feels like its been 20 years, at least. When it first hit it felt like my brain had been scrambled, instantly confused and agitated beyond believe. I kept this secrete for as long as I could, it must of been 2 years, I felt like it was my fault and I had no way to describe the pain or what was happening to anyone.

After my first MRI scan I was told that I had no obvious tumours or brain damage I was relieved to say the least. My first visit to a neurologist last 30 minutes I was told I had cluster headaches within 5 minutes, although I had no idea what a cluster headache was I was glad to find out I wasn't dying.
When I was 18, a month before the diagnosis I travelled to Amsterdam by myself, this was my fist time flying and going abroad but I somehow manage to pluck up the courage and board that plane and have some time to myself. Shortly before this in work, I experienced my first and only anxiety attack.

I had demons I needed to work through and what better way to do that than a week of skateboarding, Exploring and smoking as much high grade marijuana I could get my hands on. This is what taught me that no matter what I had going on in my life I always had the power to take a week out to actually enjoy myself.

My mental health become my one and only priority, and it still is. I had been a terrible son and brother for so many years, this was the first thing I changed secondly I accepted that how ever much I tried to tell myself there wasn't a god there was one and I need guidance from him, as god made us all in his image I couldn't of been that fucked up. A lot of people would say 'if god was real why did he impose this horrible infliction upon you' To this I say go suck a dick, how could someone/thing not even on this earth change the fact that the nerves in my face where badly wired.
It was guidance I wanted not an excuse.

The pain of Life

Isn't it strange that no matter what we go through we can stay positive. For the most part this is true, life is an subjective experience, how we perceive the world greatly differs between each of us.
Its my belief that not many people are truly happy in this world, Happiness cant be found or brought, its a lesson we need to learn, but there isn't a crash course in which we can sign up to, we must each find our own happiness, But how ?

We must come to terms with our own mistakes and faults that we keep buried within us.
Everything what's ever kept us down must be dealt with and analysed in a proper fashion so that we can learn from it, No one can tell you more than that, as they've never had the same subjective experience as you have.

Further

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Further_(bus)

One of the most interesting cross country bus journeys America as ever experienced.

 

A new approach

Every 10, 20 or even 30 years we all experience a drastic culture change, everything from music to fashion, hair to language, go out of fashion as quick as they came in, this is also the same for drugs.

The 60's had a counter culture revolution, no long where everyday people willing to stand idly by and be told something they knew to be false, it became acceptable to challenge conventional knowledge.
A support structure followed what aloud people to come to there own conclusions, through unbiased discussion, this happened for a wide range of subjects, most important to me was the use of psychedelics. This paved the way for many great teachers and writers to come out of obscurity.
Timothy Leary, Alan Watts, Terence McKenna, Richard Alpert, Ralph Metzner even Ken Kesey (author of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest) had a lasting impact on the generation of the time.
An impact so significant that its still wrote about today. I do not pretend to know everything about this time/generation but I believe I can take a well educated guess at what they meant at the time.
It was the first time when conventional ideas where thrown out and regarded as nonsense. Although at the same time many people write off psychedelics of as trivial waste of time.
I do not pretend to know 'the truth' or claim to be enlightened in any sense of the word, but I do know how to think for myself and challenge conformity. I'm not talking about sit ins or demonstrations at government agencies, that would be a waste of time, what wouldn't really achieve anything apart from get me a criminal record.